In case the billboards, trailers, interviews, fan theories, Johnnie Walker pop-ups and increase in surprising political references to the programme hadn’t given it away: Game of Thrones is back.

The eighth and final season, comprised of six episodes, is expected to have more than 40 million viewers. Over the past nine years, it has drawn attention for a few surprising twists, but as we come to the end of the saga, by which some of us can measure our whole adult lives, we realise that the cleverest thing about Game of Thrones is how little plot there has been.

We were basically told in the first episodes how things would end up: some kind of battle royale between the speary geezers of Westeros, Dragonbabe and her swarthy pony club, and the charmless icelads of the north. So it has come to pass.

Newspapers around the world are filling up with articles designed to wind the readers up, generate engagement and in general capitalise on the hot wind of pure tits-and-dragons energy coming our way. The easiest way to do this is with a massively reductive list, so here you have it, every single episode of Game of Thrones, ranked.

For obvious reasons, the top rankings are dominated by end-of-season numbers. It is also prejudiced according to the prejudices of me, the ranker:

Positively prejudiced towards: Arya Stark, Roose Bolton, Jonathan Pryce, Tywin Lannister, wildlings, sword violence, dragons, Euron Greyjoy, Margery Tyrell, Shireen.

Negatively prejudiced towards: early Bran Stark, Jon Snow, sexual violence, Daenerys Targaryen, Essos in general, Sheehan.

Click through the gallery below for every episode of Game of Thrones, ranked.

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