Can it be true that the beautiful wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, which unfurled before a global TV audience of many millions at home and abroad, took place without anyone realising that a terrible hosiery-based solecism had been committed?
Brace yourselves for a shock, but — if high society bible Tatler is to be believed — this is indeed the case.
The six tiny flower girls, including Princess Charlotte, looked lovely in their highwaisted silk dresses with puffed sleeves — but they were not wearing tights.
Let me repeat. They frolicked in front of HM The Queen with their bare little leggies on show, which apparently is not acceptable at court.
Prince William, Catherine Duchess of Cambridge, Prince Harry and Meghan Duchess of Sussex 100th Anniversary of the Royal Air Force
The rift between Meghan and Kate before Meghan and Harry’s wedding is believed to be caused by a row over whether or not the bridesmaids should wear tights as per protocol
I know. It was 2018, not 1820, but still. It is now claimed that it is was these tights — or lack thereof — that originally caused the rift between the soon to-be Duchess of Sussex (Californian, let it all hang out, anti-tights) and the Duchess of Cambridge ( Home Counties, stickler, pro-tights protocol).
Does it explain the froideur that persists today? It is certainly true that an ocean of misunderstanding opened up between them.
The complicated conventions of the upper echelons of society can be a mystery to us all.
And, of course, weddings often ignite family feuds; the pressure of the occasion heated up by old slights and fresh dissents can lead to an explosive situation.
Royal weddings bristle with extra layers of historical rules and starchy etiquette that must be observed, but nobody has even mentioned tights before.
I had no idea if this wardrobe stipulation carried any merit, until a flick back through royal weddings and quasi-royal weddings (Pippa) over the past few decades revealed that in every single one, the little girls in the bridal party are all wearing tights, summer or not.
So too all those little pageboys, frequently got up like extras in Mutiny On The Bounty or a toddler production of Les Mis, the poor wee things.
I had to ask my poshest friend Georgina, no stranger to society weddings herself, for clarification.
A friend told Jan: ‘Bare legs are fine on flower girls wearing canvas or satin ballet shoes — but even then possibly not at a royal wedding, where a higher degree of formality is expected.’
Did she notice the Sussex no-tights tangle? Of course she did.
‘I remember at the time thinking how ghastly the shoes and bare legs were — it looked very Eurotrashy,’ she poshly bellowed down the line.
Did it? ‘Oh yah. I mean, leather shoes with no socks or tights? It’s not on, Jan. Appalling. Bare legs are fine on flower girls wearing canvas or satin ballet shoes — but even then possibly not at a royal wedding, where a higher degree of formality is expected.’
One imagines this was a refinement that had escaped Meghan but not Kate.
Trouble is said to have begun at the wedding rehearsal, where the two battling duchesses went to war over the tights; Kate said the little girls should wear them, Meghan said no way baby, don’t hit me with your dullsville traditions and your pantyhose woes, or words to that effect.
Tatler’s ‘Catherine the Great’ feature is on the front page of the July/August issue
I like to think of the pair of them yanking a tiny pair of tights between them until they ripped in half, each of them absolutely furious.
One a Bridezilla on a mission to rid the old world of its fuddy-duddy ways, the other a mother of three with a new baby and each a whirling meteorite of hormones.
Reports say Steely Kate was reduced to tears, but I don’t believe it. She is made of much tougher stuff than 20 denier.
It would take a lot more than tightsgate to ladder her composure. Yet even for Kate, weddings are a trial.
If your child is lucky enough to be picked to take part, or if you are chosen as an older bridesmaid or matron of honour yourself, you pretty much have to hand yourself over to the bride and be at the mercy of her good or bad taste.
And you have to do so with good grace. Decades ago I recall wanting to cry after being trussed up in a paisley print bridesmaid dress, where I loomed about 2ft above the tiny bride, small groom and petite families; a frilly, throbbing pink gigantor casting a shadow over their darling dinkiness.
But how lovely of them to ask me! Imagine how hard it must have been for Kate to hand over Charlotte to the sartorial attentions of a woman she barely knew?
Brutally hard, considering that she is used to years of control – ling every tiny detail of her children’s presentation in public.
And whether clapping for carers or meeting the Obamas or playing in the garden, they are always immaculately turned out, usually in understated Enid Blyton vintage chic.
Such tiffs disrupt many weddings, however, I can’t imagine Kate inter – vened just to pull rank, which has been denied by Middleton family friends.
Isn’t it more likely that her royal experience had taught her not only did tights look neater, but the wearing of them was a mark of respect to the Queen?
So perhaps this is not really about tights at all, but on a deeper level concerns itself with traditions explained and ignored, and advice offered but not accepted.
One thing is for sure. Duchesses at dawn was a game of thrones, a battle between two women each used to having their own way; a pair of control freaks who do not like to be thwarted over matters large or small, tights or slights, real or imagined.
Perhaps it is for the best there is now an ocean between them. A real one.
LAST BOOGIE WITH SUPER SOPHIE
I don’t have five children, I don’t have a garden festooned with fairy lights, I don’t have a disco ball in my kitchen and a wardrobe crammed with sequined dresses — but luckily for me, I know a woman who does.
For the past nine weeks, pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor (pictured right and, left, in her kitchen) has been broadcasting Friday night kitchen discos on her Instagram account — and tonight is the last one.
Boo! How I will miss this glittery blast of innocent enjoyment; of watching Sophie being a great mum, dancing with her kids, doing a little bit of mum work, then dancing some more.
In trying to make a bit of fun out of isolating at home with her sons, she brought fun to us all. Should there be a disco damehood for Sophie and a knighthood for keep-fit maestro Joe Wicks when this is over?
They did their bit in the trenches to keep kids amused, bless them both.
For the past nine weeks, pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor has been broadcasting Friday night kitchen discos on her Instagram account — and tonight is the last one
What Emily DIDN’T say
This is not the first time Emily Maitlis has openly disparaged a political party and political misdeeds at the start of a Newsnight programme.
Remember when Jeremy Corbyn attended a wreathlaying ceremony in Tunisia in 2014? Over to you Emily.
‘Jeremy Corbyn is out of line — the country can see that and it’s shocked the Labour Party cannot.
‘By attending a wreath-laying ceremony near the graves of men behind the group that carried out the Munich Olympics massacre, he seemed to be honouring terrorists.
Mr Corbyn said a wreath was laid for ‘some of those killed in Paris in 1991’ and added: ‘I was present at that wreath-laying, I don’t think I was actually involved in it.’ ‘He made those who struggle for peace look like fools, and has allowed murderers to feel they have done nothing wrong. Tonight we consider what this tells us about the workings of the Labour Party.’
Do you remember when she said that? No, neither do I. Because she never did, of course.
Baroness Harding will be in charge of test and trace. Good luck to her with that! The former jockey once said she thinks maternity leave is too long — does she have a point? No one wants to take away any hard-earned rights from women, but it is one of many issues that may need a rethink in the post-Covid world.
Brad rocks a barnet beautiful
Is it Brad O’Clock already? I’m afraid so, readers!
My favourite actor surfaced in California this week, doing dude stuff out in front of his house, admiring a motorbike with a pal.
Brad’s appearance revealed that it’s not only women who are suffering with their locks down in lockdown.
Two months without a haircut has left him with a barnet that is wild, a bit matted and with dark roots showing — a mess on any ordinary man, but Brad somehow man – aged to look like a rock star about to take to the stage.
On him, it worked. I thought about Brad when I saw Bernard Jenkin chairing the Liaison Committee this week.
Sir Bernard has coped with the lack of barbering by razoring his skull down to the nub with some blunt sheep-clippers.
A different approach but that worked, too. He looked like a rather charming convict, as so many Conservatives do.
Vogue editors Anna Wintour and Andre Leon Talley attend the Donna Karan Spring 2001 collection in women’s fashion during the “7th On Sixth” fashion show September 22, 2000
Andre Leon Talley’ s book The Chiffon Trenches is not the first one to criticise his boss, American Vogue editor Anna Wintour.
Nuclear Wintour, the Ice Queen, the Wintour of Discontent — she has heard it all before.
Yet despite his complaints about Wintour in his book, it seems she was a wonderful boss to him.
She practically created him, gave him a wonderful job and salary and tried to help him in his personal life when things went wrong.
Yet after decades of working together, when his star began to lose its lustre, she had to get rid of him.
This is a sad fact of professional life, one that happens to many of us in the end — and those whose stars shine the brightest feel the pain most of all.
His job was a joy and an extraordinary privilege, not a right. Still, as he falters and stumbles, she sails on, still at the top of her game, still the toughest female boss, still inspiring and inspired.
I know who I admire the most, and it’s not the tragic Mr Talley
