Let’s talk about the last taboo: incest

For the love of God, stop taking photos of complete strangers you weirdos

I’ve had a lot of surprising experiences in my life, but finding myself cheering for incest really wasn’t something I’d ever imagined doing.

Yet, as I sat watching the season finale of Game of Thrones, bored of Jon Snow making eyes at Daenerys without anything happening, that’s exactly what happened.

‘You do your aunt Jon!’ the world collectively shouted at the telly. ‘It’s about time.’

People all over the world are literally shipping an incestuous paring. So what does that mean for incest? Is the last true taboo about to get an image make-over?

Well, firstly it depends on your definition of incest. It’s defined as ‘sexual relations between two people classed as being too closely related to marry each other.’

The line of ‘too closely related to marry each other’ is a bit of a blurry one and depends where you live. In the U.K it’s perfectly legal to marry your first cousin (in fact they ask you about it when you apply for your marriage licence). In other countries, however, in over half of the United States, China and Korea it’s illegal.

So you could have totally non incesty sex in London but be on the illegal side on holiday in Texas.

While the idea of banging your cousin might seem a bit on the icky side to you, that’s not the case internationally.  It’s extremely common in some communities, making up almost half of marriages in some Middle Eastern countries.

That said, cousin marriage is, generally speaking, considered by experts to be a bad idea because it can lead to birth defects.

But what about if you’re not into real incest, but incest role play? Which, yes, is a thing.

Incest role play is a large and compex area of fetish. Some people like to role play as children and have sex with other adults who are roleplaying as their parents. Others like to act out fantasies where they are having sex with their ‘sibling’.

I talked to sex expert Girl on the Net about incest fetishes and what they mean.

I asked her whether an incest fantasy meant that you actually want to have sex with family members. She assured me not, saying:

‘I think humans are quite bad at separating fantasy from reality, especially when it comes to taboos. It’s more than possible to find the idea of something arousing in an unreal, role-play context, yet not want to do it in real life.

We use the word ‘fantasy’ interchangeably to describe both wish-fulfillment (my fantasy home, for instance, which I’d buy if I were a millionaire) and role-play (I fantasise about having fifty men take it in turns to shag me – a scenario that I’d never want to actually live out because it would be frightening and exhausting).

It would be nice if we had a word for ‘sexual fantasy that only works when it definitely isn’t real’ – I suspect a lot of incest role-play falls under this category.

So if it’s not about wanting to bone your real life family, what motivates an interest in incest fantasies? Girl on the Net told me:

‘I suspect it depends on the person. Taboos can definitely be hot, and I suspect that’s a strong part of it for many people – just as with things like extreme BDSM or non-consent fantasies, role-play allows people to explore extremes and tackle taboos in a safe environment. There’s also a power dynamic at play in some incest fantasies, and I suspect that plays a strong part in it too.

Given that incest is still solidly taboo, lots of people who get off on the idea of pretending that their boyfriend is their brother or their girlfriend is their mum can feel worried about their predilections.

I asked Girl on the Net what the best course of action is if you’re feeling worried or ashamed of your fantasy. She told me:

‘I would strongly encourage them to not beat themselves up about it: the worst thing if you have a particular fantasy or desire is to try and smother it and tell yourself you are a bad person for having those thoughts.

‘Sit with the thoughts, enjoy them, fantasise, and keep telling yourself that the human brain does some fascinating and unusual things – the vast majority of which we never have to act on, and many we don’t even want to act on.

‘If you have a partner who is up for role-playing some of this stuff, and it is consensual and not harming either of you, then go for it. After all, if you role-play as a police officer you don’t have to actually join the force, and if you role-play teacher and student you’re not sitting your real A-levels.’

So while we’re not wild about the idea of people who share a notable quantity of DNA getting it on, if you’re feeling some stirrings over Daenerys and Jon that are more to do with the wrongness of their connection than Kit Harrington’s excellent bottom, then you don’t need to worry.

Like all fantasies, imaginary incest is perfectly fine just as long as you’re engaging in it with another consenting adult.

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