Twenty new posters for the eighth and final season of Game of Thrones have arrived. Obviously, everyone’s been over them with a fine-toothed comb already looking for clues as to the finale’s conclusion which might have been laced into their new costumes.
But what about their faces? What are they telling us? For the sake of this article, let’s assume it’s how likely they are to end up leading Westeros, from ‘least likely’ to ‘put your bet on now’.
20. Samwell Tarly
HBO
Looks like he’s accidentally sat on himself.
19. The Hound
HBO
The Hound is struck by the creeping dread of being in the priority seat on the Tube but knowing he could very easily stand, and being on hair-trigger alert for anyone who looks so much as a bit tired to give the seat away to. Sorry did you… no no! It’s fine! Yep, no. Fine. I’ll just… no worries!!
18. Ser Davos Seaworth
HBO
Sick of it. Absolutely sick of it.
17. Bran Stark
HBO
Quite a Harry Kane Panini sticker look here. Not thrilled, possibly possessed.
16. Brienne of Tarth
HBO
All the savoir-faire of an X Factor contestant watching some 17-year-old’s ‘Proud Mary’ blow her slightly pitchy ‘Just The Way You Are’ out of the water and realising she’s not going to Louis Walsh’s mad LA mansion after all.
15. Melisandre
HBO
Very first-time-meeting-your-partner’s-mum vibe here. Specifically the moment when you’ve tried to make your first joke of the evening and wanted to cram that little gag about Strictly back into your mouth. In this house, we like Strictly. Actually.
14. Varys
HBO
Varys liked the Grönlid. He liked the Färlöv too. And the Ekenäset, and the Poäng, and the Strandmon. They were all fine. They were all absolutely fine. Can you please just stop making him try out sofas, pick one and we can go home? City-Arsenal starts at 4.
13. Tyrion Lannister
HBO
Is he… is he dead?
12. Missandei
HBO
Textbook poker face. Nailed on death this season. Heard it here first.
11. Grey Worm
HBO
Slightly brittle posturing here, but you’ve got to say – in the most basic sense – the man knows how to work a chair.
10. Jaime Lannister
HBO
Focused but mardy, like a labrador who wants the frisbee but has had it up to here with your pretending-to-throw-it schtick.
9. Theon Greyjoy
HBO
Very good posture. Very, very good.
8. Ser Jorah
HBO
Jorah’s got some chicken in the oven and a lovely red from South Africa just breathing on the side a minute. He’s got those nice truffles you like from Hotel Chocolat for later. And is that Santana? Jorah, you smooth bastard.
7. Euron Greyjoy
HBO
Good luck getting him out of that throne. He’s wedged himself in good and proper.
6. The Night King
HBO
That guy who’s always in your local, never speaking, never reading anything, never on his phone, never meeting friends. Just staring. He’s not that comfortable, but he’s going to make everyone in the room feel as comfortable as he does.
5. Jon Snow
HBO
A strong look but a bit too self-consciously hard nut-ish to take entirely seriously, like one of the less important members of Blazin’ Squad trying to flex in the background of a Smash Hits shoot.
4. Sansa Stark
HBO
Little bit tense, but would definitely kick you in the face if you tried to turf her out of that throne.
4. Cersei Lannister
HBO
Much more composed. Magisterial even. It’s amazing what being incredibly evil can do for your sense of self-worth, isn’t it.
2. Daenerys Targaryen
HBO
Very perhaps a little too smug for top spot, though that might just be the downlighting on those cheekbones.
1. Arya Stark
HBO
Supremely confident, like a seven-year-old who’s nicked the front seat on the DLR. I’m driving the train, me. I’m driving this bloody train, and we’re going where I say we go. Crown her now.
