As soon as I saw the pictures of Sophie Turner kissing aristocrat Peregrine Pearson, I had one prevailing thought: Do what makes you happy, girl.
The 27-year-old Game of Thrones star was spotted puckering up with Pearson in Paris last week – around two months after now-ex Joe Jonas filed for divorce.
And it seems public opinion has judged her for moving on too quickly. People on social media have said ‘The ink isn’t even dry on her divorce papers yet’ or ‘Why make such a public show? Either she lacks class and dignity or is trying to get a rise out of her ex’.
As a young divorcee myself – who hasn’t shied away from dating after my marriage ended – I want to urge Sophie not to listen to whatever anyone else says or thinks.
Like Sophie Turner, I was young and in love with rose-coloured glasses over my eyes when I got married to Owen* at 22 – a year younger than Sophie was when she tied the knot. I led with my heart instead of my logical head, as you do in your early 20s.
The moment we met at a university Halloween party in New York City, we were inseparable. He was unlike anyone I ever dated – I fell in love hard and fast. After three months, we were saying ‘I love you’, living together after a year and married after three and a half years together.
We had always known we wanted to get married, however, Owen being on an international student visa (he’s from the UK) at the time forced our decision to get married sooner than we had planned.
We had three options: Break up, do long distance (which seldom works) or just get married. It was a no brainer decision and 10 days later we did the latter.
Both Sophie and I got married in small legal ceremonies in the US – with mine at New York City Hall and hers at a Las Vegas Chapel. In fact, like Joe, I was also from New Jersey and my partner grew up in the UK.
The first few years of marriage were no different than dating: Easy, effortless and natural to be together and best friends. We had moved to the UK together and began building our lives with friends, family, work and travelling as much as possible.
He was the love of my life and I couldn’t fathom life without him.
My thoughts about ending my marriage began years before it actually happened. It started as a slow build-up of multiple occasions that started to change the way I viewed my partner.
He worked long hours, partied with work colleagues many nights a week and abused alcohol. His parents also covered up his bad behaviour and attacked me over it despite me trying to get him to clean up his act.
I caught him in multiple lies and felt I wasn’t made to be the priority. On top of that, there was a complete lack of intimacy in general and also because of his snoring. There were so many issues that eventually the bad started to outweigh the good.
I felt unhappy, in pain and cried for far too long. So, for once, I wanted to put myself first
Mentally, I realised I had sacrificed far too much of myself in my marriage and for my husband. I had uprooted myself to move to a different country for him – leaving behind everything I built in the States – all to be put through this for someone who was unwilling to change their behaviour.
My unconditional love, support and effort never felt good enough to him, his friends or family. I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. I started to feel a shell of myself and completely taken advantage of.
I felt unhappy, in pain and cried for far too long. So, for once, I wanted to put myself first.
The resentment simmered in what felt like a pressure cooker and then a final explosion to end it all occurred, leaving no way back to what life was before it.
At the end of June, he humiliated and put me down in public once again so – through hysterical tears – I screamed I wanted a divorce.
While most people spent their sunny summers travelling, I was in rainy London packing boxes, moving to a new flat, selling my items off and trying to remain sane through my marriage blowing up in an instant.
I went home to the US, then I began going out more with girlfriends and doing things that made me feel like my old self again – more so than I had felt in years.
Around three months post-breakup, I had no qualms about downloading dating apps for the first time, flirting with new guys, getting their numbers and letting them buy me drinks.
Feeding into the attention they were giving me unearthed my confidence again that I was in fact attractive and desirable after the way my ex made me feel.
Slowly, but surely, I started to feel my power coming back.
It looks like Sophie is doing the same.
While Sophie Turner is 27 and I was nearly 31 at the time of ending my marriage, people in our age range predominantly aren’t getting divorced like us. Yet, we exist.
However, we are still young enough to party with friends, as Sophie has recently with Taylor Swift, or kiss a new, handsome guy. Sophie is rightfully acting her age and making up for lost time.
Would the people shaming her for moving on ‘too quickly’ rather she – or I – hibernate, have our tails between our legs in shame and be crying in bed until further existence?
Sophie is showing that post-breakup doesn’t have to look like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde (in bed with a box of chocolate crying over a boy breaking her heart).
While it is the most difficult decision to make, she made an empowered choice to move forward living again for herself. When you go through a divorce yourself, you learn that you are entitled to feel how you do, how you act, and you’re in charge of your own timeframe of how you process your emotions.
And most importantly, it’s no one else’s business.
Sophie is showing she can stand on her own two feet, has the support of her girlfriends, and can move on with a new man when and how she sees fit. Despite this divorce, she is proving to herself – and other women – that she can come out the other side better because of it.
This made me think to myself: If she can, I can too.
If kissing Peregrine Pearson makes her happy, so be it! I’ll continue cheering you on during this next chapter, Sophie.
I can only hope that my first snog post-divorce is a British aristocrat in Paris too. So, if you end up reading this, Sophie, let me know if he has any friends?
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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